So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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