Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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