I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
