You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
