I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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