you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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