I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
