In the future we'll all be gay
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
