i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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