Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
