The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
