Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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