Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
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