It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
