This house was built for laser tag.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
