Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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