Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
