Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
