Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
