A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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