i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
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