you have to choose: penises or morals?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
