Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
i drank out of a bidet.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
