How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
