Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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