Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
