when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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