She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
