yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
