Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
