Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
