what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
