I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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