hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
