I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
she told me i tasted like america
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
