Please don't use social media to get back at me.
My pussy is not your playground.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Randomize
