1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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