do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
