Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
