I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
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