shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
