Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
