you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
