no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
