Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
