they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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