I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
