i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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