Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
