my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
