Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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