Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
