Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You need a sexual gate keeper
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
